Stress, gratitude, and moving forward

These past few days have been a challenge. I've been feeling really overwhelmed with everything going on. I've been trying to chip items off my to-do list of DOOM (which was about a half a page long handwritten) without adding too many other things to it. To be honest, I've had a couple breakdowns too. Mostly over the stress of trying to get a reliable sublet person in my apartment. I leave Vancouver in 12 days and I've been feeling the panic rising. I'd say I'm at the DEFCON 3 level.

But my lovely coworker and friend Kendra reminded me this morning that no matter what happens, I need to look at the big picture. If I don't get a sublet, well, I'll have to eat rent...but sometimes life makes you deal with things that are sudden and you just have to deal without it letting it destroy you with stress and anxiety. AND, that I need to remember what I'm looking forward to on this trip, so that the stress of preparations doesn't overshadow my perspective of what lies ahead. Thank you friend!

What lies ahead? A trip of a lifetime. That is what my TMJ massage therapist said to me yesterday. She's excited for me. And she reminded me that I may only get this opportunity to take off and explore the world. I'm hoping that I will have another chance in the future (my granny was travelling around the world well into her 80's), but yes, all I have is this moment and what is in front of me.

I hold gratitude for the process of planning for this trip, and I acknowledge that I am so privileged to be able to go on this trip. I know that some folks will be living vicariously through me. And I know that my friends, family, and coworkers know that I deserve this trip because I've had a really tough past 4-5 years. Thank you for your support. 

I'm proud of how I've handled my preparations to date. Here's some highlights from the past couple of days:

1) I bought a new 4-wheel spinner hard-sided luggage in a pattern that my friends have described as "so me." She'll be easy to see coming off any luggage carousel in any airport ever. And she's cute as all get-out.

Russian Doll travel companion suitcase

2) I spent a good hour + yesterday with my map of Portugal and Spain highlighting places I want to visit. So far I've only completed marking up Portugal - where I've indicated 22 places of interest. I won't be going to all of them, but its nice to finally see things in relation to one another.

Most days I'm working 9 hours, running errands on lunch breaks and after work and generally packing up personal effects at home to get ready for a sublet. I just need to remember to breathe, have gratitude that I get the opportunity to have this trip, and keep moving forward...

A word that has stayed with me

I'm a pretty verbal person. I like words, love to read, love to write when lightening bolts of inspiration hit me. There are a few words that have stuck around with me as being words I relate to in a personal, and sometimes quasi-spiritual way.

One word that has stayed with me for more than 15 years is this one:

WANDERLUST

Merriam-Webster defines it as: a strong desire to travel; a longing for, or impulse towards wandering.

I first heard this word in my emo poetry-writing teenage years. The word, the meaning, and how I related to it felt profound at the time. During the summer of 1997 I wrote this poem based on this word:

Copyright, me 1997

I've even thought about having this word tattoo'd on my foot in an elegant script.

And the word, and its meaning have been infusing me since I made up my mind to go on this sojourn to Europe this year. I feel driven by this restless need to see the world. Last night my dad asked me why I wanted to go to Morocco. The best explanation I could give was this, "I have seen so many beautiful pictures of Morocco on the internet. I got tired of seeing the photos. I want to see the place for myself." There is no reason for wanting to travel, to wander, to seek. The wanting is enough.

A couple years ago, one of my favourite indie music artists, Bjork, wrote a song called Wanderlust. I feel that this song, the video, and the message is so en pointe pour moi a cette moment. Vraiment! The desire to get out of urban living, connect with parts of the self, even confront parts of the self, while exploring amazing environments - all of this is captured in this song/video, and indeed captures some of the spirit in my heart these days. Enjoy.

T-minus 3 weeks and counting down...

Its three weeks until I leave Vancouver, pack what I can into a rolling suitcase & daypack, and hit the road towards Calgary to begin my travel adventure. My half-sister (who lives in Calgary) asked me yesterday if I was excited yet. To be honest, I have been so busy lately that I haven't had time to get excited. Here's what I've been getting up to.

I just got back from 4 amazing, beautiful, and transformative days at Burn in the Forest in Squamish (local Burning Man event). My friends & I created a hexayurt (that's a six-sided yurt yo!) by sewing tarps together. We added zippers so that we could have a cross-breeze and many points of egress as the weather was hovering at 30 Celcius all weekend. We baked about 1,500 goodies (some of which were gluten-free, and we even had paleo cookies - which were devoured first). I myself clocked about 8 hours of baking time + about 6+ hours of sewing assistance time (I held the tarp while my friend sewed it). We offered boardgames, goodies, and iced/hot tea for anyone who wandered into our site. It was an awesome experience, and our group was much appreciated by folks who were starving come 1am from dancing and running around in the sun all day long. We even were awarded badges of honour from another camp for our great work. They couldn't believe we were first timers. Such a great time.

Here I am at the Burn, having no fun whatsoever ;)

Now that the Burn is behind me, I can get back to the mountain of things that I need to do to keep moving forward on the planning of my trip. So far I have myself booked up until I land in Portugal, but nothing afterwards. Time to get cracking! I'm trying to hold myself to this mantra:

Things I need to do (in no particular order/stream of consciousness yo):

• Finalize my sublet (including having the agreement signed & notarized)
• Buy suitable luggage (I'm itching to put in a pun here, but I'm not bringing any suits to Europe)
• Fill out any last minute paperwork for my leave at my job
• Contact my insurance company re: sublet coverage
• Make a list of what to pack
• Pack up all my clothing and some personal effects and store them with someone, somewhere
• Figure out how long I want to spend in Galicia, Spain and book some accommodation
• Make a bit of a "plan of attack" for how I want to see Portugal - maybe I'll make a map with numbered points?
• Look up train travel times for Spain and decide how many days I'll need a rail pass for (and then buy the pass)
• Get vaccinated to avoid nasty bugs while away

This list could go on for a while. Just writing it out made it clearer what the next week holds in store for me. I'm still working 34 hours a week and trying to do all the things during this very busy summer. I. Can. Do. It. I just need to remind myself of that and not lose myself in the details. Send motivational mojo!

Concerning Airports...

This upcoming sojourn of mine means a lot of time spent in airports, bus stations, and on trains/planes/automobiles. While I'm planning on whiling away the hours with the help of a couple books, a knitting project or two, and my music, but I also need to consider how to pass any significant amounts of time while waiting around for a flight etc. And then, as if on cue, this video comes across my Facebook feed today:

I especially like #6 - Military Training. I will unfortunately be alone most of the time, so no wheelchair races for me (unless I make a "new friend" like in the video lol).

Another way to pass time in airports is to sleep. I'm not a big sleep-in-public type of person, but sometimes a nap is called for. There's actually a website devoted to this: Sleeping in Airports. Its great because people rate and leave comments about how "sleepable" an airport is and where the best spot to grab 40 winks is.

List of Airports I'll be flying into/out of:

1. Calgary, Canada
2. London Heathrow
3. London Gatwick
4. Cork, Ireland
5. Dublin, Ireland
6. Oporto, Portugal
7. Malaga, Spain
8. Casablanca, Morocco
9. Marrakesh, Morocco
10. Madrid, Spain
11. Frankfurt, Germany
12. Vancouver, Canada!

I've arranged my flights in such a way that I hopefully will not have to sleep in any of these airports, but life has a funny way of throwing curveballs at you. Hmm.

What's your favourite way to kill time in an airport?

In Which I Moonlight as a Stress-Ball

Lately, life has made me feel like this:

Ich ben stressed...

Work is busy as I'm trying to tie up all the loose ends and update all the manuals. Home is busy as I'm getting ready to go to Burn in the Forest next week with my friends to run a volunteer Cloud Cafe with boardgames. So much planning! And then, there's family stuff, health stuff, and oh yah - planning for my trip!

Two steps forward, one step back. Rinse, and repeat. This is what it currently feels like when dealing with a building manager who has many issues (which I won't go into here because I don't want to derail into a rant) and can't figure out how to process a simple sublet request.

At first, he tried to put off dealing with my request until after July 7. Um, how about no? I leave August 5 from Vancouver, and I'd like ample time to ensure that my subletee (is that even a real word?) was confirmed and all details settled, signed, and notarized. Being the assertive person I can be at times, I went to speak with him and explained the situation. He then seemed OK to comply with my request and move forward.

A week goes by and no update from the building manager (BM). Emails from potential subletee asking about the status of their temporary home (aka my apartment) and me having to mediate and be neutral. I phoned the BM asking for an update two days ago.  Yesterday, I came home from work to find a long-winded letter that didn't really adequately answer if he approved my sublet request or not. So I left a voicemail (loaded with annoyance) requesting clarification, and finally last night he called me and he confirmed that he will be calling the references tomorrow. I don't know why some people feel the need to write long-winded, rambling, poorly edited letters rather than pick up the phone and call someone to work things out. Jeez!

Anyway, fingers crossed that this will all work out. Its been a rather stressful couple of weeks. Part of the stress was due to my travel agent's office being broken into, and me needing to cancel my Visa credit card and wait for a new one. Not much travel planning can be done without it! [Thanks Mercury retrograde, you a-hole!]

But as overwhelmed as I've been, things are moving forward. I've now booked travel as far as Sept 4 in Portugal. I still need to book a bit more and then I think I'm going to keep my travel plans fluid as I'm not sure how long I'm going to want to hang around Galicia before I want to head back down into Portugal and down the Atlantic Coast. Decisions, decisions...to be made in good time, and when my head isn't so full.